The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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