it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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