i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
