It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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