i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
