have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
