i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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