And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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