I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The power of my boobs compel you
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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