Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
