chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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