I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
