even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
