My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
