This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
