Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
