I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
