No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
