I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
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