my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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