If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize