I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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