matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Bring me that man meat
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
