So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
