I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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