So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
