hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
