Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
