I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
