just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
