Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
