when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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