I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
