Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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