What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
