Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
