I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the condom got lost in my hair
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
