My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize