First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
