i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
