I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
did i just pee glitter
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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