p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am naked and annoyed.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
