he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
