I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
