grandma shit on top of the toilet
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
