Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize