he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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