He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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