i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
