New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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