ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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