Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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