I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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