i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
A bitchslap is in order.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
