Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize