so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
