Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
