Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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