I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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