after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
MIDGETS
????
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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