i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
