Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
