i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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