I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
True strength comes from lack of pants
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
