she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
