What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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