Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
