just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
