Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
