Sponge bath it is.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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